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The Worst of Arnold Schwarzenegger

A couple of people have asked me to do a best and worst of Schwarzenegger’s films, so here it is ending with the worst and for an ex bodybuilder from Austria he has done a lot of bad films, some of which make my worst films of all-time list.

Hercules in New York (1970)

Oh my goodness this is so bad that it’s good by that I mean it’s hysterical and even better with in the dubbed version with Schwarzenegger voice being replaced by some really cheesy American accent(it’s like some Chinese film dub haha xD). Hercules (Schwarzenegger) has grown tired of his life on Mount Olympus, and wishes to visit Earth. His father Zeus (Ernest Graves) forbids such a voyage, but a misdirected thunderbolt sends Hercules tumbling down the mountain and into New York City, where he’s befriended by Pretzie (Arnold Stang), who runs a pretzel cart in the park. As Hercules tries to make his way in the big city with Pretzie’s help, he runs afoul of a crooked wresling promoter, gets mixed up with gangsters, rides his chariot through Times Square, descends into Hell, and dines at the Automat (which some contend is not unlike descending into Hell). Tim’s Film Reviews not recommended.

9%

This film is truly terrible, just terrible but it is so funny that I can’t help but recommend it because I cannot deny anyone the pleasure of watching this unbelievable funny film. The acting is terrible, the whole thing is very cheap, watching it you can’t quite believe that it was done to be serous in any way but it was. (If that was released today than it would be the best comedy to ever be made!)

It’s the dubbed trailer and it’s hysterical:

Batman & Robin (1997)

Easily one of Schwarzenegger’s worst roles by far but still gives us some of the best lines of any film to date “what killed the dinosaurs, the ice age!” (Nothing wrong with that at all). Batman & Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City. Tim’s Film Reviews not recommended.

11%

My favourite review: “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.” David Medsker. That is just fantastic sounds like something off Indiana Jones as a warning at the entrance (should have put it on the DVD cover could have saved many people the horrors of watching).

Check out the trailer just for laughs:

Junior (1994)

This is just bad, not even funny bad more of an embarrassing to watch bad. Ultimate manly man Arnold Schwarzenegger learns what it’s like to be an expectant mother in director Ivan Reitman’s high-concept comedy. Schwarzenegger plays Dr. Hess, a medical researcher working on a revolutionary drug to help mothers carry endangered infants to term. Tim’s Film Reviews not recommended.

17%

My favourite review: “To quote Last Action Hero: “Big mistake!”. Luke Y. Thompson. Just picked those because I liked the last action hero, don’t really care if other people didn’t. But this review pretty much sums up the movie choice for Arnold Schwarzenegger

Check out the trailer just for laughs:

End of Days (1999)

What the hell is this! Just because something is dark doesn’t mean that it is clever or good because this just isn’t either. It seems that Satan needs to find a woman who will bear his child, as the time for the arrival of the anti-Christ draws near. A woman named Christine (Robin Tunney) believes that she has seen the Devil and felt his presence, and it’s up to Jericho Cane (Arnold Schwarzenegger), a former policeman turned elite bodyguard, to keep her safe from The Dark Lord. Tim’s Film Reviews not recommended.

19%

My favourite review: “In a performance that is among his worst, [Arnold] seems to have trouble with his lines and doesn’t get to make his trademark wisecracks.” Andy Seiler. All together good review there but there was one wise crack that I liked “Between your faith and my Glock nine millimetre, I’ll take the Glock.” Seemed like classic arny and reminded me of ‘The 6th Day’ quote “Then he shouldn’t have killed my dog”.

Check out the trailer just for laughs:

Collateral Damage (2002)

This film was disappointing and makes the list because instead of being a great return to action films for Schwarzenegger it was a sad shadow of his former glory day films (Commando 1985). Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Gordon Brewer, a Los Angeles fire-fighter who witnesses the deaths of his wife and child, innocent victims of a terrorist attack on a motorcade carrying Colombian dignitaries. Responsibility for the deadly explosion belongs to Claudio “The Wolf” Perrini (Cliff Curtis), a terrorist and rebel in Colombia’s decade-long civil war. When times passes with no suspect being brought to justice, Brewer rejects the advice of FBI agent Peter Brandt (Elias Koteas) and travels to the jungles of Colombia to find and take revenge upon his family’s murderer himself. Tim’s Film Reviews not recommended.

22%

Best review: “It’s not particularly bad, just deeply, painfully average.” Neil Smith. This review pretty much sums it up, not bad but not good and it’s really annoying. Worst parts firstly would have to be the hour in the middle of the film that’s just really boring somehow and I struggle to think of anything that happened of any worth. Secondly would have to be the very uncomfortable and very creepy looking scene with Arnold Schwarzenegger in a shower with his characters child and you can’t help but think why did that scene have to be in the film? I mean really why?

Check out the trailer just for laughs:

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About Tim The Film Guy

Very opinionated about films Mwahahahahaha!

14 responses to “The Worst of Arnold Schwarzenegger”

  1. David Budo says :

    I haven’t seen them all, but I do enjoy both Junior and End of Days. Batman and Robin is one of the worst on any list. 😉

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  2. TheBruce says :

    I know I’m late to the party, but I have to say that out of all of his, JUNIOR was the most disappointing. I don’t know what the hell they were going for with this one. A movie about male pregnancy starring a pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger has no excuse being this bad. With HERCULES IN NEW YORK you kinda expect the badness, even his later career stuff, post B&R, where you see his movies declining with quality. JUNIOR was just disappointing though. Very few moments of actual Arnie-goodness. And I’m one of the greatest Arnold fans.

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  3. Dr. Kronner says :

    BATMAN AND ROBIN is not only the worst Schwarzenegger movie ever, but the single worst film of all time.

    Like

  4. filmplicity says :

    Hi Tim, good list. I actually like most of Arnie’s movies as they’re a lot of fun, he has done a few stinkers but I like that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. Batman and Robin is perhaps the worst movie I’ve ever seen but I haven’t seen Hercules in New York so maybe I should reserve judgement. End of Days was pretty dire as well and Junior was just nuts. Cheers, Ronan.

    Like

    • Tim's Film Reviews says :

      Thanks for commenting 🙂
      I only saw Hercules when I was making this list and it was so funny, but it was bad funny. I remember somebody saying it was terrible so I found a copy that I could review, it came with two audio option and the one with the dub is priceless. 😀

      Like

  5. The Focused Filmographer says :

    Wow. I’m a little surprised by the poll results so far. Yes, I will agree that Batman and Robin is a bad movie. waaay bad. But Arnold wasn’t the worst part really. Sure he had some cheesy lines, but he was far better than Uma Thurman, Chris O’Donnell, the guy who played Bane, and the Bat nipples! haha.

    A fun post looking at his worst. I hope you do his best films too.

    Like

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