Bullet to the Head (2013) Review
Not sure how to say this but erm…Terrible. Felt like I needed a bullet to the head after watching this. Yes! Got to use that line, makes me very happy. If this month was the battle between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, Arnold won in style. Alright let’s list this off, non-existent story. Acting? Nope not here there isn’t. Nothing special in the visuals. Dialogue? Ahahahahaha this is a film that decided to let Stallone narrate, I can barely understand 1 in 5 words the man speaks. The action was so predictable I was getting flash backs from all the 80’s films I have seen. No style, just rock music and ridiculous deep voices. Can’t remember any of the characters names nor do I care. This film is so bad in every category it’s hard not to laugh with tears the whole way through.
D.C. detective Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang) says to New Orleans hitman James Bonomo (Sylvester Stallone) as the two drive down the road in one of their many drive-and-talk sit downs. You see, Bonomo, or Jimmy Bobo as he’s known on the streets, just killed a man and was quickly double-crossed. His partner is now dead and Kwon is in town to try and kill the head of the snake and instead of booking Bobo for the crime he knows he’s commit. Yes, he’s going to team up with him because teaming up with a hitman with a loooong criminal record, that just lost his partner and wasn’t paid for a hit gone bad is always a good idea. WEAK!!
Tim’s Film Reviews NOT Recommended
Story: 15% Acting: 5% Visuals: 40% Dialogue: 0%
Action: 35% Style/Sound: 10% Characters: 5%
The story, acting, and dialogue where awful! Seriously who wrote this films script its pathetic! Alessandro Camon shame on you! The characters where generic, honestly can’t remember anybody’s name. Just looking at it now, Stallone’s character was actually called James, wouldn’t have guessed that in a million years. There is a beautiful scene where the daughter and the cop where looking through the bad guys pen drive and she points at a folder named Banking and asks “what’s in that folder?” That put me in tears laughing! What do you think is going to be in the folder you moron! On the way back from the cinema me and my friends where saying what we would score it and when I got to the dialogue we all just laughed. It was a damn funny trip to the cinema and I don’t regret it.
The visuals where predictable and just generic action visuals. The action was really predictable and funnily enough was pretty spread out for this type of film, I was expecting the weak everything else but come on lets have some off the walls action people, it’s all I ask. The style was something but I didn’t like and it was a good example of how not to make a film. The sound was crash bang wallop and rock music, better in the trailer as you would imagine. Lastly Stallone’s arms look horrible! They’re too long and his veins look like worms got into his skin and they are trying to get out.
Must Watch Trailer:
The best reviews I found would be these “Sylvester Stallone shoots people in the face. That’s it for subtext in this formula action swill. Why do I sound like I should expect more? Because the credits list the director as Walter Hill” Peter Travers. “Bullet to the Head definitely qualifies as a guilty pleasure, but if you can’t enjoy the guilty ones, you’ve missed the whole point of Stallone’s career” Rob Vaux. “Bullet to the Head doesn’t try to adapt its star to 2013. It just pretends that we’re still living in 1986. And for 91 minutes, it just about works” Chris Nashawaty.
My favourite scene would have to be the end. Or the really funny bad parts, literal tears of enjoyment!