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5 Worst Films of 2013

This is my list of the worst films released in 2013 that I had the misfortune to watch. I really enjoyed making my top ten films of 2013, but now it’s time for my worst of list and I really hate making, almost as much as watching the films on it. You might want to read my full reviews because I have heard my reviews of terrible films can be quite funny, my angry nature as I write about them must clearly bring tears to people’s eye. If anyone disagrees then get help because these are awful, otherwise please enjoy. Next post will be my most anticipated films of 2014 so keep an eye out.

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#1: Bullet to the Head

Bullet To The Head - Sylvester Stallones Horribly Veiny Arms

#1 on my list deserves it, it’s just bad. Felt like I needed a bullet to the head after watching this. Yes! Got to use that line, makes me very happy. If this month was the battle between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, Arnold won in style. Alright let’s list this off, non-existent story. Acting? Nope not here there isn’t. Nothing special in the visuals. Dialogue? Ahahahahaha this is a film that decided to let Stallone narrate, I can barely understand 1 in 5 words the man speaks. The action was so predictable I was getting flash backs from all the 80’s films I have seen. No style, just rock music and ridiculous deep voices. Can’t remember any of the characters names nor do I care. This film is so bad in every category it’s hard not to laugh with tears the whole way through.

Full Review

My Score: 15%

#2: Machete Kills

Machete-Kills1

#2 is a how to guide to making a bad film, it is at least laugh out loud in its awfulness. The first film was in that category of its cheesy and totally grindhouse mad and whilst both of those apply to this there is also a lot WHAT?!  Going on that makes this more of an “it’s so bad its good” category which is fine as well if you are in the mood for it. I still had a really good laugh watching it and if you have friends who don’t mind the first film then you will have a ball! This is going to be a short review because the only way I can really describe this film is how I’d say never to make a film.

Full Review

My Score: 23%

#3: A Good Day To Die Hard

A Good Day To Die Hard - Bruce Willis and Jai Courtney War Torn

#3 screams bring back the Grubbers! Not as bad as some say, but still the worst of the Die Hard series and to be honest doesn’t really feel like a Die Hard film. The film has a vast contrast between its good parts and bad parts, we have really good visuals and a few great action scenes, but on the other hand you have a very weak story and some of the most pathetic characters and dialogue you have ever heard. How you can make a Die Hard film without a good villain is beyond my understanding (I’ll talk about the dancer later). The acting and characters where basically non-existent for the bad guys and as for the good we have a Bruce Willis with what looks like no script and Jai Courtney pulling some of the funniest faces I have ever seen in an action film. As for the relationship between them I could have done without it. Do I want a 6? Yes but for the love of god get a good script and Villain.

Full Review

My Score: 30%

#4: The ABCs of Death

The ABC's of Death - T for Toilet

#4 on this list is a twisted mess of a horror anthology. Easily the weirdest film I have ever watched, and coming from me that means a lot! As a horror film it’s terrible but if you pick some of the better shorts it has some clever and thought provoking stuff. In others you get shorts which will bring side splitting laughs. Then you get boring wastes of my time, about 50% I would say. The scoring is always weird on anthologies, so I tried to mark all of the shorts as one rather than marking each. Just because overall the stories are weak doesn’t mean there aren’t a few gems which I will highlight later. I nearly couldn’t watch all of this and would love to know if anyone else managed to see the whole movie in one sitting, anyone?

Full Review

My Score: 38%

#5: The Hangover Part III

The-Hangover-Part-3-The-Wolf-Pack

#5 was an unfunny comedy, something I cannot forgive. There is in total 3 or 4 scenes in this entire film that are funny, which account for 5 minutes of 100 minute comedy. The film just isn’t that funny and it’s becoming a terrible trend with Hollywood comedies let alone bad sequels. It’s like they gather in a room and agree to just one good comedy film a year and 30 terrible ones. Back to this film, I just can’t be bothered anymore and it’s shocking how unfunny this series has become. I’d have preferred another ‘Hangover’ film not whatever this film was about, some crazy comedy thriller with as little to do with the title as it does with the comedy genre. The cast felt like they were just there because they got paid to and when it’s a comedy film it’s so easy to tell that’s what happened. The dialogue was awful!

Full Review

My Score: 48%

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About Tim The Film Guy

Very opinionated about films Mwahahahahaha!

48 responses to “5 Worst Films of 2013”

  1. Daniel Prinn says :

    I sat through The ABCs of Death in one sitting… I was near-exhaustion, too, LOL. I was on an all-nighter and I’ve been meaning to see that one for awhile so I said screw it. It was so disturbing. I hated a lot of it. I’m posting my review this week I think but the only sketches I liked were Speed (my favourite by far), Quack, Hydro-Electric Diffusion, Toilet, Vagitus (was surprising that I didn’t hate it given the weird name), and Nuptials, that one with the parrot. Fart was by far my least favourite.

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  2. Lights Camera Reaction says :

    Love the graphic haha.
    I thought Machete Kills was absolutely ridiculous, but I did have a lot of fun watching it. Did start to drag a little though.

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  3. angie chui says :

    I fell asleep halfway though Machete Kills. It shouldn’t have been made at all.

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  4. Victor De Leon says :

    Good picks, Tim. These flicks totally sucked. Good job!

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  5. Tom says :

    haha good list man. I’d agree with all of them, and I’m glad to see you mention that Machete Kills is so bad but in a so-good kind of way. That’s the only way I had some fun with it. Oh, and need I say anything more than ‘Amber Heard’ !!!!!!!! *Swoon.*

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  6. Hypersonic55 says :

    Hey dude, sorry I’m late to this post but you know me I’m late to almost everything 😛

    Pretty solid list, though I feel there are some more offensive films you left off that list. That 4th entry was it the ABC’s of Death thing, never even heard of that, is it even a film? Bullet To The Head wasn’t that bad to me, sure it wasn’t anything specially but I wasn’t expecting to be amazed that much by a Sly film these days. As for Machete Kills in retrospect that film was pretty awful, but it was fucking hilarious, some of the shit in that film made me laugh harder than the comedies I watch last year and that’s saying a lot. Die Hard 5, fail, nuff said. Hangover 3 seems to be on a lot of peoples lists and I keep forgetting the film even came out even though I saw it. :S

    For me Jack The Giant Slayer and Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters should automatically be on everyone’s list… and of the course the true worst film of 2013; Movie 43. I will never get over how bad that film was and will talk about its awfulness until the end of time! 😀

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    • Tim The Film Guy says :

      I didn’t mind Giant Slayer and Witch Hunters, not great but I had fun with them 😀

      I didn’t include Movie 43 for the same reason I didn’t include a Haunted House. Films I know will be awful don’t effect me at all, they just make me laugh.

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  7. Daniel says :

    Good choices(of bad movies). I sadly saw all of these bombs (except for “Bullet”). I just threw up (a little bit) thinking about them again. LOL !!!

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  8. Three Rows Back says :

    Yep, some real stinkers there! Especially Die Hard 5; jeez that was a piece of shit.

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  9. boxofficebuzzab says :

    I count myself fortunate that I didn’t see any of these films. 😉 Sorry you had to sit through them!

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  10. Genki Jason says :

    Ouch, there are some real clunkers here. Someone has to review these so the rest of us can avoid them! I was tempted to watch Bullet to the Head but skipped it and I’m glad I did now.

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  11. Movie Logs says :

    Die Hard deserves 3 spots! Great list of awful films! 🙂

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  12. sidekickreviews says :

    Hello! A good day to have a hangover and put a bullet in my head! I only had the misfortune of watching Die Hard 5, does that make me fortunate? 😉

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  13. filmscorehunter says :

    These films were horrible. Machete Kills was very disappointing since the first one was actually good.

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  14. caragale says :

    Nice list, Tim! Haven’t seen the first four. I actively avoided your top 3, but I actually considered The ABCs of Death. Guess I’ll take that off my Netflix queue. Haha. I did, however, see The Hangover Part III, which was my worst film of the year. They really should’ve just stuck to the one, huh?

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  15. ckckred says :

    Nice list. I’ve only seen A Good Day To Die Hard here and that was purely awful.

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  16. Natasha Harmer says :

    I’ve not seen any of these, thankfully 😛 I will avoid them haha
    Great post 😀

    Like

  17. lukebbtt says :

    Yep, Die Hard definitely deserves a place on this list. Maybe not the worst film, but easily the most disappointing.

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  18. mikeyb @ screenkicker says :

    I havent seen any of these but Die Hard 5 looks awful. Bruce Willis seems to be half asleep.

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  19. ruth says :

    Hi Tim! Glad I avoided all four except for A Good Day To Die Hard which was terrible indeed. Wish this franchise would take their own advice and die already!!

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  20. iheartfilmsgirl says :

    Hi ya. I saw most of these two apart from ABCs of death and I have to agree with your chosen list. Bullet to the Head….god what was that? Hangover 3 I was really disappointed with. Still better than 2 but a hangover film with no hangover? Weird! Great post

    Like

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