5 Worst Films of 2013
This is my list of the worst films released in 2013 that I had the misfortune to watch. I really enjoyed making my top ten films of 2013, but now it’s time for my worst of list and I really hate making, almost as much as watching the films on it. You might want to read my full reviews because I have heard my reviews of terrible films can be quite funny, my angry nature as I write about them must clearly bring tears to people’s eye. If anyone disagrees then get help because these are awful, otherwise please enjoy. Next post will be my most anticipated films of 2014 so keep an eye out.
#1: Bullet to the Head
#1 on my list deserves it, it’s just bad. Felt like I needed a bullet to the head after watching this. Yes! Got to use that line, makes me very happy. If this month was the battle between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, Arnold won in style. Alright let’s list this off, non-existent story. Acting? Nope not here there isn’t. Nothing special in the visuals. Dialogue? Ahahahahaha this is a film that decided to let Stallone narrate, I can barely understand 1 in 5 words the man speaks. The action was so predictable I was getting flash backs from all the 80’s films I have seen. No style, just rock music and ridiculous deep voices. Can’t remember any of the characters names nor do I care. This film is so bad in every category it’s hard not to laugh with tears the whole way through.
My Score: 15%
#2: Machete Kills
#2 is a how to guide to making a bad film, it is at least laugh out loud in its awfulness. The first film was in that category of its cheesy and totally grindhouse mad and whilst both of those apply to this there is also a lot WHAT?! Going on that makes this more of an “it’s so bad its good” category which is fine as well if you are in the mood for it. I still had a really good laugh watching it and if you have friends who don’t mind the first film then you will have a ball! This is going to be a short review because the only way I can really describe this film is how I’d say never to make a film.
My Score: 23%
#3: A Good Day To Die Hard
#3 screams bring back the Grubbers! Not as bad as some say, but still the worst of the Die Hard series and to be honest doesn’t really feel like a Die Hard film. The film has a vast contrast between its good parts and bad parts, we have really good visuals and a few great action scenes, but on the other hand you have a very weak story and some of the most pathetic characters and dialogue you have ever heard. How you can make a Die Hard film without a good villain is beyond my understanding (I’ll talk about the dancer later). The acting and characters where basically non-existent for the bad guys and as for the good we have a Bruce Willis with what looks like no script and Jai Courtney pulling some of the funniest faces I have ever seen in an action film. As for the relationship between them I could have done without it. Do I want a 6? Yes but for the love of god get a good script and Villain.
My Score: 30%
#4: The ABCs of Death
#4 on this list is a twisted mess of a horror anthology. Easily the weirdest film I have ever watched, and coming from me that means a lot! As a horror film it’s terrible but if you pick some of the better shorts it has some clever and thought provoking stuff. In others you get shorts which will bring side splitting laughs. Then you get boring wastes of my time, about 50% I would say. The scoring is always weird on anthologies, so I tried to mark all of the shorts as one rather than marking each. Just because overall the stories are weak doesn’t mean there aren’t a few gems which I will highlight later. I nearly couldn’t watch all of this and would love to know if anyone else managed to see the whole movie in one sitting, anyone?
My Score: 38%
#5: The Hangover Part III
#5 was an unfunny comedy, something I cannot forgive. There is in total 3 or 4 scenes in this entire film that are funny, which account for 5 minutes of 100 minute comedy. The film just isn’t that funny and it’s becoming a terrible trend with Hollywood comedies let alone bad sequels. It’s like they gather in a room and agree to just one good comedy film a year and 30 terrible ones. Back to this film, I just can’t be bothered anymore and it’s shocking how unfunny this series has become. I’d have preferred another ‘Hangover’ film not whatever this film was about, some crazy comedy thriller with as little to do with the title as it does with the comedy genre. The cast felt like they were just there because they got paid to and when it’s a comedy film it’s so easy to tell that’s what happened. The dialogue was awful!
My Score: 48%