For the sake of this Shitfest I have watched the film again to really get to the bottom of why I detest this film so very much. So expect swearing and lots of profanities, I can already feel the blood boiling!
Shit Analysis starting now.
DAMN YOU FOX!!! DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!
Evolution? EVOLUTION?! Why is that even in the title?!
There is in total 3 or 4 scenes in this entire film that are funny, which account for 5 minutes of 100 minute comedy. The film just isn’t that funny and it’s becoming a terrible trend with Hollywood comedies let alone bad sequels. It’s like they gather in a room and agree to just one good comedy film a year and 30 terrible ones. Back to this film, I just can’t be bothered anymore and it’s shocking how unfunny this series has become. I’d have preferred another ‘Hangover’ film not whatever this film was about, some crazy comedy thriller with as little to do with the title as it does with the comedy genre. The cast felt like they were just there because they got paid to and when it’s a comedy film it’s so easy to tell that’s what happened. The dialogue was awful! Okay let’s continue with the review.
“I’ve fed them nothing but cocaine…and chicken.”
Easily the weirdest film I have ever watched, and coming from me that means a lot! As a horror film it’s terrible but if you pick some of the better shorts it has some clever and thought provoking stuff. In others you get shorts which will bring side splitting laughs. Then you get boring wastes of my time, about 50% I would say. The scoring is always weird on anthologies, so I tried to mark all of the shorts as one rather than marking each. Just because overall the stories are weak doesn’t mean there aren’t a few gems which I will highlight later. I nearly couldn’t watch all of this and would love to know if anyone else managed to see the whole movie in one sitting, anyone?
Not sure how to say this but erm…Terrible. Felt like I needed a bullet to the head after watching this. Yes! Got to use that line, makes me very happy. If this month was the battle between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, Arnold won in style. Alright let’s list this off, non-existent story. Acting? Nope not here there isn’t. Nothing special in the visuals. Dialogue? Ahahahahaha this is a film that decided to let Stallone narrate, I can barely understand 1 in 5 words the man speaks. The action was so predictable I was getting flash backs from all the 80’s films I have seen. No style, just rock music and ridiculous deep voices. Can’t remember any of the characters names nor do I care. This film is so bad in every category it’s hard not to laugh with tears the whole way through.
This was bad, if I had a worst case scenario going into watching this film, I’d have to say they got it pretty damn close. The story was non-existent and felt like I was watching multi-level on a game, though funnily enough not a Resident Evil game. Then the acting was even worse, never been remotely good in any of the films but it was particularly bad in this film. The visuals where actually pretty good in this film, however it must be noted that it’s all CGI and green screen. I am so happy I didn’t pay to see this in 3D. The best dialogue was from the deaf girl and the less said about the others the better. I will admit it is an action film but I will damned if it is a horror film! The first could have that genre title but every other are not horror films. This film is just terrible and everybody involved should be ashamed.
The Man with the Iron Fist was fun enough and the visuals where good and paid tribute to classic Kung Fu films. But the music didn’t work, just didn’t suit the film at all, worked in the trailers but was just wrong in the full film. Whilst we are in the bad section RZA is a terrible actor and really shouldn’t have played the lead or even be in it, he took the wrong notes from Tarantino. The story however was pretty weak but fun enough. Back to the bad Russell Crowe played the most fowl mercenary that has ever played the role; he also put a few pounds on, super creepy and weird sex scenes, and ewe. The characters can be good at times but mostly stupid with near no memorable lines. The only distinctive features of the characters would be their costume designs, I did like the different types of warriors they used for the film, felt like a Mortal Kombat style fights.
This is my list of the worst films released in 2012 that I had the misfortune to watch. I really enjoyed making my top ten list, but now it’s time for my worst of list and I really hate making almost as much as watching the films on it. You might want to read my full reviews because I have heard my reviews of terrible films can be quite funny, my angry nature as I write about them must clearly bring tears to people’s eye. If anyone disagrees then you can just bugger off, otherwise please enjoy. Next post will be my favourite B movies of 2012 so keep an eye out.
I watched ‘Congo’ this weekend because I remember reading a bit of the book after reading Jurassic Park and thought well maybe the film is pretty good, never seeing a trailer, never read any reviews so I had no clue what was actually coming. Never before have I seen a film that is both terrible and at the same time gives so much to talk about, normally a bad film is boring or lacks good story telling and so there’s not much to say but not with this film there is plenty. This is a summary so will quickly go through my thought and then you can read my more in depth thoughts. Story, never before has loosely based on the book been so true. Acting was surprisingly bad considering some of the stars. Visuals were terrible in general but mainly those ‘Bad Gorillas’ were just awful! Dialogue, best lines came from a gorilla using sign language. Shock/Thrill/Fun, we shall have none of it in our film! Style/Sound, no style and the soundtrack seemed a little random to me. Characters, they seemed to only have cheap lines and scenes that suited the story, most of the characters have about one line in the whole film and absolutely nothing memorable.
This film is exactly the thing I hate about false trailers, they lie! If you lie to me then you are automatically my enemy (just for anyone who lies to me). The trailer actually looked really interesting and I nearly went to cinema to watch it. However the trailer contained a few features that where completely missing from the actual film. Not going into what those things where but it really made me angry. The film is also very boring, which considering the idea behind it is not only shocking but also unforgivable. The film bores and angers me and is the reason I very rarely review films I don’t like. I manly don’t like to give them the time of day but since I watched this anyway for Halloween I thought why not. Oh I am not looking forward to this review.